Heard walking down a very smart street in Chiswick this morning:
[Woman screaming from top floor flat] Woman: “Damien! Damien!” [Man having a fag outside, three floors below, turns around and looks up] Man: “Wot?” Woman: “You ain’t even left me any presents or anyfink.” [There's a brief silence whilst the man considers the ramifications of his mistake and the woman builds up an explosion of emotions] [Woman takes the initiative and slams window] [Man stubs out cigarette, swears under his breath, walks back into the flats] Just the average morning in Chiswick, then.